The Jedi temple in Theed was designed to be peaceful and serene, a place of contemplation and community that acted as a haven for those of the Order whilst they were home from jetting around the galaxy in fast ships, chasing off space pirates or battling resurgent Sith Lords. The grounds were vast and expansive, and seen from the upper levels of the temple seemed to stretch almost to the horizon in some places, extending outwards in one direction to merge quietly with the suburbs of the bustling capital, the other to give way to vast pastoral plains and eventually peter off into the Gungan swamp.
It was on the edge of one of these plains that Adrian now sat; the wide, bright fields at his back, the dark forest in front of him, and the sparsely leaf-littered earth bearing up his weight. He sat with his legs crossed and eyes closed, working hard to keep his features composed to maintain that classic stereotype of Jedi calm. Adrian knew that it wasn't working, but could hardly summon up the effort to care.
He was not alone.
"Feel it, feel the Force flowing through you. There is life here, so much life all around... just concentrate and extend your consciousness outwards, to the fields, the swamp, the city, the forest..."
"I'm trying Master Trench, I'm trying! It's just hard s'all."
Adrian sighed heavily. "It's ok Jacob, don't worry. Perhaps try to be a little more focused in your meditation." The young Jedi Apprentice Jacob was sitting several feet away from Adrian, facing the plains but emulating his tutor's position. "The council have sent you to me to learn of the living world in which we exist, in which the Force is bound up and through which it works its will to us, to all things. We draw our power from the Force and so by extension from this living world..." Adrian hesitated, hoping that Jacob would view his pause for articulation as a sign to meditate on what was just said.
Whatever that was...
Adrian scolded himself, allowed for a brief respite, and continued.
"Try to concentrate on one aspect of the living world," Adrian said, hazarding around for an object. His mind's eye settled on a massive Nova Hortan that towered above them. He could feel its presence in the Force; a giant, old and almost crippled now, but with hundreds of years weighing down its life. He could feel its roots stretching out underneath him, drawing life from the soil.
"The tree. Try and focus on the tree that lives at the edge of this forest. Feel its life Force, then feel how it interacts with the other trees around it, with the rocks that lie at its feet and the animals that nest in its branches. In a way this is similar to how we Jedi interact with others, in that..."
Adrian cursed softly as his analogy crumbled to pieces and fell at his feet.
Just why the hell are the Jedi Council letting you instruct Apprentices anyway... you're no good at this!
"Uh, Master Trench, I don't really understand what you're saying..." Jacob had opened his eyes and turned around to look at Adrian - he could feel the young boy's gaze on the back of his neck. Adrian bowed his head. Then he turned to face Jacob.
"Look, I think that maybe we should stop now for the day. You can go out into the fields and...meditate on what you've learned," he finished lamely.
"...uh-huh, right Master Trench," Jacob said. He got to his feet slowly, gave Adrian a strange look.
"Oh, and Jacob, it's not 'Master' Trench..."
"Right-o." Jacob turned and made off for the plains, clearly glad that the lesson was over.
Adrian watched him go, disappointed in the way he had handled the situation. He had been distracted throughout the whole lesson, thinking not of Jacob and his tutelage but of...other things.
Jordan...
"Hey!"
Adrian looked up suddenly, startled. He hadn't thought that Jacob would come back so quickly but...no. No, this wasn't Jacob. Adrian go to his feet hastily.
"Master Ari, I didn't see you there," Adrian bowed as the older Jedi approached. Ari waved away his courtesy with an air of flippancy.
"No need, no need young man. I just thought I'd take a stroll through the forest, collect my thoughts from the last few days, and happened upon you out here. Quite a pleasant surprise, wouldn't you say."
Jen Ari Esc-Elphen was a tall, almost regal force among the Jedi on Naboo, and Adrian could feel now the essence of a monarch's will working its way on him. Ari was lying, but it was an insignificant white lie, the kind a king would use to initiate conversation with one of his subjects. Adrian knew that Ari expected him to pick up on this.
"Yes Master, indeed. How have you been?"
"Oh, good, good mostly." Ari strode forward towards Adrian and beckoned him to follow. They walked together out into the field. "The weights placed on a Jedi Master are many, young Adrian, but as I'm sure you know we have developed faculties with which to deal with them."
"That's...good, Master," Adrian replied hesitantly. He knew that Ari was going somewhere with this. The Master came from an old, noble family out in the deep core and had a certain tendency towards fluffy conversation, but he seldom spoke unless there was a point to be made.
Adrian decided to take the initiative.
"Master, if I may..." Adrian spoke in a clear, distinct tone to make his intentions known.
Not that that is really necessary...I am speaking to a Jedi Master, after all.
Ari smiled. He wrapped his loose robes around his chest and turned to face Adrian, the pair standing in the centre of the plain. He examined the young Knight for a moment, smiled again, and spoke:
"You have been troubled of late, Adrian. We know that your studies have been...compromised. You are not participating as much as you once did in the communal activities of this Order...and you seem constantly distracted when with your young charges," Ari assumed a fatherly posture, placing his hand on Adrian's shoulder. "I would never be so brash as to look into your mind without your permission, so I came here today to talk with you as a friend...a Master...a fellow member of this Order. Just to see how you are doing, son."
Adrian sighed. He knew this had been coming for some time, but he hadn't been prepared for it to happen
now.
"I have been a little distracted, yes. It's kind of hard to... I've been having fresh memories again," he said. This statement seemed odd, but Ari gave a tight-lipped, knowing smile.
"Of your brother?"
"Yes." Adrian looked at the ground, suddenly ashamed. "I just had another new one a few minutes ago while meditating with Jacob. Up until today I always thought of our old fishing trips as happy times... It hasn't been this bad since..."
"Since the night you arrived here for the first time and Kahn helped you to break down the mental barriers that your brother had placed on your mind," Ari finished for him. Adrian nodded.
Ari let out a long breath. He was fiddling with his robes again.
"What kind of memories are they?"
"The same as always. Times when Jordan was...cruel to me. Times when he lost control and showed the dark side of his personality that he didn't want me to see, so he covered my memories with his...powers."
"He was training himself to be a Dark Jedi..."
"Yes. But I don't know why these memories are coming back now. I don't know what they
mean." Adrian kicked at the ground in frustration. "I feel like there's something out there calling to me, begging me to understand whatever it is that these things are pointing me towards, but I just can't..."
Adrian suddenly noticed that Ari had gone very still.
"Master...?"
Ari stirred, considered Adrian for a second, then smiled that tight-lipped, knowing smile again and said, "Calling to you, Adrian? Would you care to...expand on that?"
Adrian realised that he had said something rather rash, but didn't see how it had affected Ari so profoundly.
"Well I thought it was natural for Jedi to have visions, or have the Force calling to them, telling them what to do...the only thing that's confusing is that I don't know
what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm in two minds about everything these days, ever since just after my training finished and I became a Knight. Part of me wants to run off and do
something, only it doesn't know what that something
is, and the other part...the other part doesn't even know what the point is at all..."
"The point in what, Adrian?" Ari asked kindly.
"The point in this!" Adrian threw up his arms, sweeping his gaze over the surrounding plains. "In all of this. In being here, in training to be a Jedi, in everything! It's like the only reason I'm here at all is because of Jordan, because he brought me here and abandoned me and now I'm doing this because it's the only option that seemed open at the time..."
Ari shook his head. "That's not true Adrian. You have a talent with the Force, you can help others. But I think you need some time to come to terms with your brother's manipulation. It seems that his spirit still hangs over you even after all the years that you've spent here." He closed his eyes. "I sense that your brother's intentions may hold many of the answers that you seek."
"So you think I should go looking for him?" Adrian asked.
"No!" Ari's eyes snapped open. Then he smiled the fatherly smile again, but Adrian could tell that he was worried. "What I mean is that we think you should stay here and meditate on these memories. We will assign your students to someone else while you contemplate them. It would be good if you tried to remember as much as you can about your brother, perhaps take sessions with some of the more experienced Jedi to help you unlock and interpret your memories," Ari put his hand around Adrian's shoulder once more. "In fact, I would be happy to help you with this myself."
"Ok Master, I'll take some time to meditate on this," Adrian conceded.
As if I haven't already been doing that most every waking moment for the past few years.
Ari seemed satisfied by this, but there was still a definite note of concern in his voice when he said, "That's good Adrian. Very good. Well," he clapped his hands together, "I think this has been a good little chat, don't you. We can organise the details of our little sessions later when we get back to the temple, but for now I think I'm going to finish my stroll. I trust you'll have a good day."
"You too, Master."
"Excellent. Goodbye my boy. Have some rest... and take care."
Adrian watched as Ari crossed the plain and disappeared into another patch of forest. In the distance he could see Jacob, the young Jedi now making his way back towards the temple despite the sun still hanging high in the sky.
Adrian lay down on the grass and tried to fall into a meditative state, something that was usually as easy as falling asleep as night but now seemed impossible. He went back over the conversation in his mind.
They wanted him to stay here. They were scared...no, Jedi didn't get scared...they were
concerned about what would happen if he went looking for Jordan. But Adrian didn't fear Jordan; his brother had only ever harmed him once, but he had no reason to kill him or cause him serious pain. No, there was nothing to fear.
And then his mind began to wander, settling eventually on one thought.
On that first night after Jordan had brought him to Naboo and then abandoned him near the Jedi temple he had decided to become a Jedi. He had done this help get his life back, to understand Jordan's manipulations and what was driving his brother down the insane path of darkness. Now, over five years later, he was no closer to any type of conclusion than he had been on that night. Which begged the question...
Why am I here? What's the meaning of all this...
...why am I a Jedi?
