The Rebel Faction

I have a close friend who I am unable to send a Christmas present this year (her mother is beyond weird) so I'm writing her a story for a particular character of her's as a present.... Now, recently I've begun to wonder if it is at all funny to people other than me and her... The style is meant to be part narrative, part descriptive in which is will jump back and forth, I hope seamlessly, between the author adding personal comments within the story works..

I'd appreciate any input..

http://www.angelfire.com/dragon2/kratsina/phoe1.html

http://www.sfsite.com/fsf/glines.htm