The Rebel Faction

The planet Kegan is not a happy place. For almost all of its' recorded history, the human population that resided on it was subjected to the Greater Good. The Greater Good turns out to be something that sounds good on paper, but in practice, most people found that it was just good for those in a greater position then themselves. However, eventually, and with the help of various Jedi and public-minded individuals, the oppressive regime was overthrown. Kegan joined the Galactic community, and there was much rejoicing.

As a planet, Kegan is not remarkable. There is one big city, which (despite the horrors inflicted within its' walls) was kept surprisingly clean and organized during its' time under the heel of evil. The rest of the planet is dotted in farms and, just lately, environment friendly energy stations and tourist spots.

But unfortunately, Kegan fell under hard times during the Rise of the Empire (This was pre-tourist spots). They had spent millenia under an evil dictatorship, and knew one in the making when they saw it. The Keganite's skill in pointing out and bringing to light the evil, cruelty, lies, and downright nastiness of the Emperor and his cronies made them a favoured target. After the various falls and wars, Kegan was forgotten. It once again escaped into a brooding, internal existance to avoid the troubles of the Galaxy, one almost impossible to breach.

Until now, that is. I mean, it'd be a pretty damn short story if it really was unbreachable...

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A ball of fire could be seen from the towers of the city. In half a minute it had gone from a red speck to a streak of flame shooting through the air. In the minute it took for it to earth itself, there was a sudden panic in the city amongst its' residents, some claiming this was the long-awaited reckoning for contacting the Jedi so many years ago. Others said it was the Empire, back to terrorize them once more. In fact, some of the more articulated speakers probably would have spoken about the probability that it was simply a huge chunk of space debries that would still possess the power to kill them all, if only they had the time.

It came to a rolling crash just short of the edge of the city, the earth thrown about it smothering the flames. As the panic died down, the braver and more curious individuals inched their way to the edge of town, where they could see a quickly cooling lump of deformed metal. Inside could be heard harsh words in a strange and foreign language. Everyone took a leap back as the door was flung open, and in basic a voice could be heard to cry out.

"Just once!" It shouted "I'd like to visit a planet where we DIDN'T have to crash land! Yiffin, pass me that flag so I can tell these dagoes we're claiming this land."

Although disappointed by the defeat of their "biggest building" theory, the explorers were still lead to a modestly impressive building in the possession of the real city leader, President Haynes. Haynes himself, along with several assistants and colleagues, had turned out for the arrival of the explorers, and as they ascended the steps up to the building, he met them half-way.

"Its' been quite a long time since we've had any visitors" said Haynes, who obviously had been hoping it would stay that way. "What brings you to our fair city?"

Frelgrin, by virtue of him being the only one Haynes could meet eye to eye without craning his neck, was aknowledged as the group leader by all those present. He responded as such "Well, I was wondering if you and your people might be interested in joining the New Coalition?"

Haynes waited, hoping for a little bit of elaboration. After a moment, Frelgrin tried again "The... New Coalition? Intergalactic Organization of Good, Freedom, and Individuality? Ring any bells?"

Haynes still seemed politely ignorant. Frelgrin sighed "I do so hate it when they leave this to us. Okay then..."

With a guesture, Freewater was directed to distribute thin, glossy pamplets to the surrounding individuals. As if speaking from an internal teleprompter, Shlump began "The New Coalition comma and it's present representatives comma do hearby extend our warmest greetings to the leader slash leaders slash representatives delete whichever is innappropriate of this fair planet and or country period."

Yiffin continued "We are here to offer you a once hyphon in hyphon a hyphon lifetime opportunity to join a growing organization of planets comma nations comma and people who are dedicated to preserving our idependance and ways in this time of chaos slash war slash hunger slash good movie shortage delete whichever is innappropriate period. We hope you will take this opportunity to make use of the literature being distributed by X of our representatives to learn of the many opportunities that await you period."

With a little, reluctant sigh, Frelgrin finished the little speech with "We hope you will accept our generous offer comma, in the best interest of all parties comma, and in the hope(s) of promoting the common (Insert whichever idealogical belief is favoured here)."

Haynes was capable of maintaining a glassy smile throughout the proceeding, and even when he looked at the pamplet handed to him, seeing something assembled by someone who was vaguely aware that what he wanted had lots of colours and bars and things. Once they were done, he rallied fairly well and finally spoke, in a voice matching his fairly senior age. "I'm most thankful for your, er, fairly interesting introduction, and I'd be glad to bring your desires before a council meeting of Kegan, but I'm afraid that so long as-"

"-Wait-" said Shlump "This is the ominous thing, right?" Frelgrin nodded, and Shlump smiled "Ah, good. All right, so long as I know where I stand."

"...So long as the city is dominated by the dark memory of our past, we cannot proceed to a brighter future." said Haynes, doing his best to ignore interruptions. "If someone were to remove the taint on our fair city by braving the dark tower, then we would perhaps be safe once again, and interested in your proposal."

Frelgrin sighed, obviously resigned to a fate he had been expecting. "I see" he said "A three-fifteen. Ok, So thats' one dark-tower removal, with extra-strength Taint Remover. What time is it now? Eleven? Ok, we'll be back by lunch if we go now."

Yiffin frowned "But surely this task could be delegated to someone else. This sounds almost like... like work." Shlump and Freewater froze up in the tracks. Frelgrin quickly assuaged their fears, that this was not work but an opportunity. That seemed to work, and they were off.

Once Haynes saw that they had left, he cursed under his breath. But they would have to do, he supposed. Right now he had bigger problems.

Ghosts! Big ones, small ones, vertically and horizontally challenged ones, all streamed down the stairs. The explorers shrieked in terror (except Freewater) and immeadietly made haste back down the stairs, desperate to escape the tower (Except, again, Freewater). The Ghosts were doing the usual gnashing of teeth routine, and hit Freewater like a wave, although having no discernable effect.

Once outside, the three explorers slammed the door, after a minor fight as to who would get out first. They gulped air like a steam engine, and slowly sank to the floor.

After a suitable interval had passed, Shlump felt a comment was nessecary. "Ghosts..." he tried.

"Yeah" said Yiffin.

"Pretty... spooky, really."

"Yeah"

"...I wonder how much we could make in grants studying one?"

Yiffin shrugged "A good 8.5k of goverment grants per week, plus 10+k via fund-raising and private donations I'd say, although thats' just a rough estimate."

Frelgrin had something on his mind, however. "Wasn't there... one more of us when we went in?" His colleagues considered this.

"Freewater" they said in unison, with a sort of sigh.

"I guess we better go back in and save him, or something" said Shlump, cautiously. But his tone was picked up on by Yiffin, who snorted.

"Not afraid of a bunch of ghosts, are you?" He said "We're men of science, surely we don't believe such hogwash?"

"You do remember all the ghosts that just chased us out of the tower, don't you?" Said Frelgrin, cautiously. "I'm pretty sure that should at least suggest a theory by which ghosts might be real."

"Not at all" said Yiffin "It could have been the reflection of marsh gas off the moons of Jupiter, or something?"

"Marsh Gas?" Said Shlump

"Jupiter?" Said Frelgrin, but Yiffin was unabashed, and was even-now beginning to aim his nose at an angle usually reserved for such acts of snobbery.

"Well, if you're cowardly, and easily fooled into believing a bunch of Ghosts are out to get us, and are prepared to leave an important mission only half-completed (Oh, and Freewater in peril, I guess), I guess I'll have to complete this adventure myself, and reap all book and movie rights."

"Well, see here now" said Shlump, his voice rising as he felt his valued position as chief egotistical and arrogant scientist was being challenged "I said nothing of the sort, it was Frelgrin here who actually said he wanted to chicken out. I'm made of far manlier stuff then him, and about six feet more of it too."

Frelgrin, despite the hurtful comment about how short he was, was not easily fooled. Of course, he still wanted to save Freewater and finish the mission, but he also wanted to do it without making them think he was doing it just to meet their idiocy contest point for point. So he said nothing, at least, not yet.

"Right, that's that settled then." said Yiffin, and with that he kicked in the door. At first, it was abysmally dark, but as their eyes quickly adjusted, a mad sight met their eyes. The three explorers stood slack-jawed with confusion, unable to comprehend it all.

It was well-known that Freewater was capable of fighting pretty much anything. It was his one and only skill. But the ability to take the spirits of the damned and give them what could only be described as an atomic wedgie, is something which could keep the scientists of Azguard fat on grant-money for decades to come. Freewater just stood in the middle of the room, grinning innanely at nothing. Cautiously, his friends approached.

"Freewater?" Said Frelgrin cautiously "Are you all right?" Freewater nodded "What did... how did you... Why did you pull the underwear of the damned up over their heads?"

Freewater shrugged, and said "They were geeks, I figured it was what I was supposed to do."

Shlump frowned "Ghosts, Freewater. They're ghosts, not geeks." It took a few seconds for this to sink in, but when it did, Freewater yelped in fear, and landed heavily upon Shlump, whose knees gave out.

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Haynes looked at the papers before him, all carefully written as if they were relaying such innocent information as budget plans and internal memoes. At least, he was pretty sure these were encoded messages written to look like budget plans and memoes, unfortunately both get sent into the same in-tray.

But either way, he was still pretty sure secret things were taking place, and that he was the hub of them. He wrote a message, properly encoded to look like a simple note about the weather, and send it down the chain of command. Of course, he didn't know wether the message was about the weather or secret, because it was encoded. He reminded himself to figure out how to read the secret code, because he was pretty sure everyone was laughing at him behind his back. Encoded though, so he wasn't completley sure.

Haynes, on an impulse, got up and looked out the window. There, the dark tower loomed as it always did. And, he could see several figures making their way towards it. Excellent, so his plan really was unfolding, just as he knew it would. He had been worried the code would be too complicated for his agents to understand, but it looks like they have.

Haynes went back to his desk, and gave some thought to the unusual explorers who had come to his planet. They were interested in Kegan joining the Coalition, were they? Well, fair enough, he'd give it due consideration. It was after all his job to do so. But the people of Kegan had had a lot of bad experiences, especially with good-guys. He made another mental note to go and get someone to clear up the crashed ship, there might be something valuable in the wreckage.

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The explorers continued up the stairs, now put on guard for a sudden ghostly attack. But as yet, nothing had appeared. "So..." said Shlump, one who couldn't let silencelast for more then a few minutes "...Briefs or boxers?"

Haynes, in total confusion and panic, was politely dragged by a less-then-enthusiastic mob, following the explorers out of interest more then any angry-mob feelings. There was a bit of a pause around the door of the tower, but Freewater shouted at them for a while until they conquered their fears (replacing them with a fear of Freewater shouting) and made their way inside.

Up the stairs they went, Haynes in tow, until they reached the door. There was silence, as Frelgrin spoke. "Behind this door is what your beloved leader has been working on, something so terrible he had to hide it in a dark tower and spread a superstitious rumour to keep people away!" Then, under his breath, and to the author he added "Or at least there better be..."

The door opened, everyone gasped, and I said what there was.

For you see, on top of the tower, was a terrifying lair, with tables, desks, and chairs (all designed for maximum foreboding factor) scattered about. A huge computer dominated the center, and every where was evidence of plotting. Not the good kind, either. Plans to solidify power, silence dissenters, and pour more wealth and luxury into the ruling classes lay every where you looked.

People gasped. This they had not expected. Cautiously, they fanned out, and looked in a horrified manner at the most diabolical of schemes, the most terrible of computers, and the most perplexing of big piles of rocks.

Eventually, the people turned to Haynes, and were not happy. The explorers watched as Haynes pleas of "I have no idea what all this is" were ignored and he was dragged back down the stairs again. Rumour and word-of-mouth can travel faster then the speed of light, and up to twelve times the speed of smell, so pretty soon everyone in the city knew.

Haynes was dragged up the steps of the capital building and put down, where his second in command, Eustace, seemed more then happy to take him.

"I've heard everything" said Eustace "And don't worry, we'll make sure to prosecute him to the full extent of the law. Of course, we should probably start by discussing who takes his place, and as senior political-"

"Not so fast" said Frelgrin "We have a little experience in this sort of thing, I think its' better if we interrogate him the old-fashioned way."

This didn't seem to please Eustace at all "Er, we have proper procedure to follow, you know-"

"Now now" said Frelgrin "We wouldn't dream of putting you all through that sort of trouble"

"So" said Shlump, swaggering towards Haynes "We've caught you now, with your dastardly schemes and assassination attempts! There's no hope for you now, you'll probably be hung from the nearest lampost! Go ahead, confess!"

Haynes's brow furrowed. "If me doing this is going to get me hanged, why would I ever want to confess?"

Haynes used the confused lul to come back strong. "And I really didn't know about all this! The only orders I gave were for my men to deliver to you a welcome basket! It was a top-secret welcome basket, that's why I was so secretive!"

Now it was the explorer's brows who furrowed. Yiffin spoke "But surely, you wouldn't have to be secretive about a welcome basket..."

"You'd think so" said Haynes wretchedly "But if word got out I was giving YOU guys a welcome basket, then EVERYONE would want one."

There was a pause, then everyone generally agreed. "Ok, I can see that" said Shlump. "But that doesn't explain who HAS been trying to assassinate us, and has been plotting so much!"

Eustace finally lost his temper "Look! He did it! We all know it! Let's just drag him off, put him in prison, and get on to making me the new leader! Who cares who sent the two assassins!?"

There was a quiet pause "No body said how many assassins there was" Said Frelgrin slowly "Their bodies were under a pile of rocks, no way anyone but us could have known how many there were..."

Eustace suddenly felt a tectonic mouvment occur under him, moving support away from him and towards Haynes. He desperately tried to recover "I... Remember seeing them! On their way to the tower! Yes! That was it!"

"No you didn't" said Yiffin, slowly, "How would you know they're assassins?"

Eustace was taken with a panic. He tried to run, but was tripped and caught. Everyone cheered as he was dragged struggling away. Haynes was freed, for which he was rather grateful.

"Thank goodness!" He said "Now that that's over, I'd be more then happy to join this Coalition of yours!

And so it was, with great joy, that Kegan returned to the galactic stage as a member of the Coalition. What awaited it in its' Future? Lucrative trade deals and large increases in the industrial sector? A sudden recession followed by Conservative leadership? Retirement amongst the supreme court resulting in an overturn of Roe vs. Wade? Who knows, only time will tell!