*When the Emperor goes to bed, he checks his closet for Simon Kaine.
*Simon Kaine gave a kid a stock tip once. That child grew up to be Seth Vinda.
*No one defies Simon Kaine. They're just controlled so well they don't know they're obeying.
*Only one high-class callgirl has ever satisfied Simon Kaine. Bhindi Drayson is now the Supreme Commander of the Empire's armed forces.
*Simon Kaine played chess once. The Onyxian Commonwealth collapsed.
*Simon Kaine once wrote a "Hello World" program. This program went on to rule the Black Dragon Empire.
*There was no big bang. The universe is just backing away from Simon Kaine.
*Prime Minister Regrad worships the Gods of Azguard. The Gods of Azguard worship Simon Kaine.
*There once was a man from Nantucket. Simon Kaine hates that joke, so he had him executed.
*There was no Jedi purge. The Jedi Order challenged Simon Kaine to a game of touch-football.
*There is no alien persecution in the Empire, merely a list of species Simon Kaine lets live.
*The Jedi and Sith have been warring for millennia over wether Simon Kaine preffers coffee or tea with his morning paper.
*Han didn't shoot first. Simon Kaine did.
*Darth Vader once told Luke he was his father. He'd mistaken Luke for Simon Kaine.
*The Millenium Falcon made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs. Simon Kaine did it in three steps.
*Simon Kaine once looked a woman in the eyes. Anakin's mother never knew who the father was.
*Pod racers are designed to look like Simon Kaine's balls - scaled down, of course.
*Simon Kaine used to own a teddy bear, but lost it. The Ewoks resulted.
*Simon Kaine wrote an essay for history class once. Everyone still thinks there used to be a Republic.
*The reason the second Death Star wasn't finished was they were trying to build both balls to scale this time.
*To help Anakin adjust, Simon Kaine lent him his voice for Anakin's Darth Vader suit.
*Thrawn was actually human. He turned blue with frostbite after Simon Kaine frowned at him.
*The Citadel doesn't refer to Simon Kaine by name. He's too modest.
*Simon Kaine farted once. They're STILL mining Tibanna gas off of Bespin.
*Every time a bell rings, Simon Kaine pulls off an angel's wings.
*When the Republic built its' clone army, they looked for the greatest human imaginable to be the template. Unfortunately, Simon Kaine was on holiday.
*Simon Kaine believes in one man, one vote. Simon Kaine is the man, he has the vote.
*Prime Minister Regrad once asked Simon Kaine for advice. Simon Kaine said "Corellia's nice this time of year."
*Gash Jiren once made fun of Simon Kaine's mother. The New Republic collapsed.
Stay tuned for more interesting facts about this amazing man.
