Pain.
Pain is a funny concept. Biochemically speaking, pain and pleasure are the same thing… a series of electrical transmissions from the nerve endings in the body to the subjects brain. They travel along the same nucleus of nerves and end up in the same brain. The difference between pleasure and pain, is distance.
A centimeter.
A millimeter.
Less.
The brain is an interesting thing. The most powerful of all organs, and yet, powerless of it’s own accord. When faced with the prospect permanent paralysis, most people would choose death.
Sometimes people are not offered the choice. And sometimes, the difference between life on a bed and their body in the ground is merely a matter of distance.
A centimeter.
A millimeter.
Loss.
“…ow…”
When one is paralyzed, the body does not stop moving. Although often not visible to the outside observer, even a seemingly resting body is alive with activity. Cells move against one another and from one area of the body to another, swapping fluids and energies and generally doing what cells do. But one’s body is always in motion.
Even when it cannot move.
“…I… can’t…”
Tiny movements, a paralyzed body is capable of. The lungs, for example, continue to move despite the loss of one’s mobility. Even someone with a complete paralysis requiring life support and constant supervision, destined to die without mechanical intervention, can move their lips.
Can open their eyes…
“…why…can’t…”
“Shhh, don’t try and speak. Close your eyes, and dream of home.”
It’s theorized that even those who are dead beyond hope of recovery still dream. Their mind is alive, though for all intents and purposes their body is dead, and stays active until it’s maintenance is no longer sustained. Many argue that because their brain is still alive and capable of coherent thought and abstract dream alike, they should be maintained or saved in some fashion until their body can be recovered. Others argue that such a position is largely assumptionary and that no one knows for sure.
Do the dead dream? No one knows for sure.
No one will ever know.
Sometimes, the difference between death, and home, is distance.
How far, no one knows.
***
“…show an incredible resilience even in the face of overwhelming numbers. It is my tactical opinion that we have underestimated the Galactic Coalition and that our strategies will need to be adjusted.”
“Have you told the Elder?”
“No… no, and I do not know if I will. I have questioned him once. I am not sure how often I should do so.”
“Would you rather risk the Elder killing you for being disobedient, or the Elder killing you for being negligent?
“Do you not believe the Elder will kill someone who fails him?”
“No. I do not believe it to be in his character.”
“Do not let him hear you say that. I have seen Kal Shora kill men for a momentary hesitation. Believe what you will but speak it not; the he is a killer.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“Such is life.”
“Such is life. Shall I see you this evening?”
“No, I am staying on the surface for another day.”
“Unfortunate. Ra’esh’ra a’le’esh’a, Templar.”
“Ra’esh’ra a’le’esh’a, Judicator Badaar.”
…Shran?
“…Shran?”
“Ah, you’re awake! And you remember me! This is good. This is very good!”
“But… what are you doing here? Were you not on the Sep'Ta'Fw'shen?”
”Yes, I was, indeed… still am.”
“But… I… you…?”
“We’re orbiting Kiyar, Zeratul. Aboard the Fw'shen.”
“…oh. Well, that explains a few things.”
“I would imagine. How do you feel, warrior? Tired, surely. Can you move?”
“No… I… can’t move… my arm… Shran… tell me, have I lost my arm?”
“What makes you think that?”
“I… can’t feel it. I can’t feel my arm.”
“What about your other arm?”
“I… well…”
“Or your legs?”
“…Shran! I’m paralyzed!”
“Yes Zeratul, you are paralyzed. On the bright side, you still have all your limbs… they are just useless.”
“…that’s not much of a bright side! How will I function?”
“In a limited capacity, I would imagine. Bed ridden, perhaps.”
“Shran! How can you take this so monotonously?”
“Why should I be upset? You are paralyzed. It will pass.”
“…it will pass?”
“Yes, Zeratul. The paralysis you suffer now is a result of nervous shock from the blaster wound. As the wound heals the impediment on the nerves will gradually fade away.”
“So… I’m not paralyzed forever?”
“Probably not.”
“…probably not?”
“…pretend I said no.”
“Shran!”
“Zeratul, chances are good that you will regain permanent mobility. Listen, I have to depart. I will return in a few hours. If you are hungry, ask and food will be brought.”
And before Zeratul could respond, Shran turned. Zeratul struggled against his own body to sit up and curse at him, but all that escaped him were barely audible grunts of pain.
Frustrated and weak, Zeratul had little choice but to lay back down. And in short order, the ailing warrior ordered food, falling asleep before it could arrive.
***
“Activating energy dispersal field… adapting weapons technology… falling back behind cover… returning fire… concentrate central repair protocols on section a 2347 m left junction of plate… species Kraz, threat level minimal, weaponry is inadequate… request Parrow Lin support… no Parrow Lin available, fall back to command hub… unit down; scavenging functioning technologies…”
“It’s good to see you sitting up, friend.”
The Shadowcaste warrior allowed his eyes to slide open, glow returning to their surface a show of his vibrant state of being. Shran nodded at the show of his condition, taking a seat across from Zeratul.
“How long have you been standing there?”
“Oh, a few hours. I wondered if you’d notice me, and eventually decided that you wouldn’t.”
Shran poked a dish of food that had been left for the Skey’g’aar. It had long since gone cold, but Zeratul felt no need for it any case and brushed it away.
“Can you turn them off?”
Zeratul blinked in surprise.
“The Nexus. Can you turn them off?”
“Oh, I can shut them out. But they are always there.”
“Must be discerning. How goes the battle?”
“Not much of a battle. Armor’tera against armed refugees for the most part. Almost all of the soldiers have taken defensive positions and the tek’a’tara are not persuing.”
“Ah.”
Zeratul saw something in the eyes of the Judicator that intrigued him.
“You don’t care?”
“What makes you say that?”
“Shran Badaar, did Kal Shora not tell you to never answer a question with a question?”
“So he did. No Zeratul, to be honest, I do not care. I don’t care about the ashen remains of this p’az’a’ra’gan or the tet’fed’oy’aa that inhabit it. To me, our time spent above Kiyar is a waste of time.”
Zeratul gestured his understanding.
“That reminds me to say, why are you above Kiyar? I thought you were leading the mission at Vladet?”
“I was. Let us not speak of Vladet; at least, not now.”
“…I… very well. So it is. That still does not explain your presence here.”
“Do you remember your incoming transmissions?”
“Yes.”
“From a Galactic Coalition fleet?”
“…ah, I see. You’ll have to forgive my reasoning, it’s a little… shot.”
“Speaking of that, remarkable stuff, that Mer’a’brazal. It’s been so long since I have seen combat, I can not remember have I ever donned a suit.”
“When you speak to the Elder, can you ask him to return it?”
”Of course. I’m sure he would be indebted to me the reason for visit.”
“Don’t make him come up here. I will come to the surface for it.”
”Are you sure? You do not need more rest?”
“No, Badaar. Use what little time you have left to curry to the Elder, for the moment of my return to duty draws near!”
Badaar brushed Zeratul away, when his eyes flashed with a sudden recognition.
“Zeratul, how soon do you think you will be fit for combat?”
“Sooner then the sun’s pass.”
“Good. We have a… ghost… for you to hunt.”
“Oh? Elaborate.”
“Later. Or, perhaps, the Elder. In any case, I would like your opinion on something.”
Zeratul sighed, swiveling his hips and bringing his two ancillary legs back up onto his cot. This was a conversation he had not been looking forward to.
“The Galactic Coalition.”
“…oh?”
“It is my expert tactical assessment that we have underestimated the Galactic Coalition and that our strategies will need to be modified.”
“…I do not believe I used the word assessment. Although, in retrospect, I should have. It’s such an interesting word. Assessment…”
“Judicator Shran Badaar, I am often amazed you were not killed for your attention deficiency when you were a youth.”
“Blind luck, I suppose.”
“Is that not the line of questioning you wish to pursue?”
“My deficiencies?”
“The Coalition.”
“Oh, yes, of course. I am glad that even in your weakened state, you can be attentive for the both of us. I do indeed wish to ask your opinion on the Coalition.”
“The Coalition is a broad subject. Shall we focus our discussion to a particular area?”
“It is my tactical assessment that we have underestimated the Galactic Coalition. Assessment… that really is a great word…”
“How is it you feel that they exceed our level of readiness?”
“We mainly ascertained from their attacks on the New Order and their aborted counter-campaign that they would surrender when forced with unwinnable odds, and yet they have refused to surrender here, when the world is doomed to fall. This does not seem to be consistent.”
“It is still early in the day.”
“Even so. Take the incident at Dameo.”
“What of it?”
“Their aggressive attack on a much larger and more developed adversary is not the course of action one would expect from your reports of a timid and naturally pacifistic people.”
“They surrendered at Dameo.”
“After the reinforcements for the Damuens arrived. And only after.”
“Regardless, they did surrender.”
”And regardless of that surrender, they did launch the attack, an attack on a force that outnumbered them 2 to 1 and was at least three decades their superior in technological development.”
“True. So they are stupid. What are you driving at?”
“I am not sure we can defeat the Galactic Coalition.”
Zeratul did not say anything. He turned his head, and then gently shook it.
“They’re going to kill you, Shran Badaar. They’re going to kill you and melt you into carbon.”
“Perhaps. If they survive.”
”Judicator Badaar, the Galactic Coalition was established within the decade. The Cree’Ar Dominion has survived for 4 millennia. We will survive them; we will conquer them.”
“Do you not… feel something, from the Coalition?”
“Yes, I do. I feel a wound in my chest, from where they shot me.”
“Not that. I meant… a certain… pal’a’la fo’w’a’sha… a resilience beyond their means. A… a spirit, damnit.”
Zeratul swiveled his hips, popping his feet to the floor to place him facing Badaar again.
“Spirit is often crushed beneath battlements. Such is life.”
“Such is life. Usually.”
“Shran…”
“Zeratul Daz’Da’Mar, there is something unique about the Galactic Coalition. Something that Cree’Ar do not possess. Whether we once did is a matter of personal reflection, but there is an advantage there in the Azguard and their allies, something in their souls that we do not possess.”
When Zeratul said nothing, Badaar sighed.
“Kal Shora sees it too.”
“Pend! You draw dangerously close to a’lora dir’a’tad’or’a. Speaking your nonsense is one line of wrong but projecting it from the High Elder is grossly inappropriate.”
Shran said nothing. For a time, both men sat in silence. It seemed the conversation had reached its end with anything beyond existing in the unspeakable. Finally, it was Zeratul who broke the silence.
“So, you said something about a ghost?”
Shran stood.
“Later, friend. I must deliver a report to the Elder. How shall I speak of you?”
“Sourly as usual.”
“Ra’esh’ra a’le’esh’a, Warrior.”
“You will return?”
“Possibly. Or perhaps, you will join us on the surface. Either way, I will see you again.”
Shran walked from the medical ward, and Zeratul was left to himself. Himself, and the ever-present conversation of the Nexus.
He sighed, closing his eyes.