The Rebel Faction

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Varcanna was starting to feel the first hints of panic. “Did nothing to me?” She said, her voice shaking slightly. “She took the kids away from me! I was their mother figure after Tzosha died, but when she came here they dumped me for her and I don’t know why. I never mistreated them, I treated them like they were my own, which I would never have. When I found out you two are ‘related’ that just made it worse. What in ziss name have I done to deserve this?”

It was then she spotted the lightsaber on Lavality’s belt and she knew then that jumping around the truth would get her no where. “I’m not ready…” She said, now in full panic, her whole body trembling. “I’m not ready to accept what I am...I’m not ready to risk the family’s reputation if what I am gets out. The family, not the entire Clan would be come the object of ridicule. I...I…I know there are other’s like me out there…but it’s just not spoke about for our own safety. We risk becoming outcasts…if not killed….”

***

Just behind the door Asri was confused. She’s talking like she’s the ‘Akisi’ and not me… She thought.

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“You’re right…” Varcanna breathed quietly. “The kids probably felt I wasn’t being true to myself, while Asri always has been. But if I told him how I really felt about Asri…they’d be even more disgusted I bet, hell my family would be disgusted. I’d be disowned for sure. My people may tolerate having a sterile female around, but one that….that…” She was having difficulty getting the words out. “is attracted to her own sex?”

***

It felt like she was punched in the gut and Asri felt sick to her stomach. All this time, Varcanna was really hiding that she was attracted to her? She wasn’t sure what was worse….

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Varcanna stared at the ground, tears starting to roll down her cheeks as she absorbed Lavality’s words and realized just what a fool she had been. Both Naosha and Rissonik had been willing to toss aside old prejudges for the greater good: they accepted Asri after all, so why not a bi? All she had been doing this whole time was destroy her own chances of happiness, happiness she had long sought.

“I’ve been a fool.” She said with a sniff and a weak laugh. “I’ve been sabotaging my own attempts to find happiness. There’s a lot I need to make up for, people I need to apologize to.” She remembered Silliss and how she treated him when she discovered the truth about his condition, in fact she hadn’t seen much of him since then. Now she realized that he was in much the same type of situation as she was and it was wrong of her to judge his reasoning. “I’m not sure how Asri would react to the news though….”

“It will take some time to work out what I feel.” Came a familiar voice from just beyond the door. Varcanna was in shock: that female had been listening the whole time!

“Asri…I….” Varcanna started.

“Don’t!” Came a sharp response. “I understand ‘why’ you hid it, Goddess knows I out of all people should understand that. It’s the other things around it that bothers me and will take me some time to come to terms with it. For now I just want my space.”

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“Lavality I lived with rejection for most of my life.” Asri said slightly bitterly. “So I know what that is like. It’s not ‘what’ she is that bothers me, it’s bringing myself to forgive her for all the hateful things she’s said and done to me before now that will take time. I know I will eventually. Perhaps it’s in a way jealousy. Jealousy that she could hide the truth of what she is when I so obviously couldn’t: it’s a lot harder to hide the color of your scales then to hide what you feel inside.”

“There’s a lot of healing that needs to be done on both sides.” Varcanna said. “The old Jedi saying: Fear leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, that’s what has happened between us. I don’t want to hurt you any more Asri…especially now that it’s obvious my brother loves you so much: I don’t want him to lose you because of me, Goddess knows he’s suffered a lot in his own life.” She looked at Lavality. “I want to tell them the truth, all them, and apologize for my fear. But…I’m not sure I am ready yet…I’ve lived in denial of my feelings for so long it’s almost like it’s only a dream, a dream I am struggling to convince myself that is reality.”

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“You’re right…again.” Varcanna said, her head low. “If I procrastinate now, I’ll never get the courage to tell them.” Slowly she got to her feet, dwarfing Lavality with her height. “Let’s do this and get it over with. Whatever happens…happens…and we’ll go from there.”

She followed Lavality out the door and briefly her eyes met with Asri’s. They said nothing to each other, but their postures were no longer aggressive toward each other either. Asri waited a moment before following herself.

Meanwhile Trazu, Rissonik and Naosha were still in the manor, discussing random things, particular the kids antics while Trazu and Asri were away. When the three women entered they fell silent. Trazu could sense the change in his sister and tilted his head in inquiry. When Asri’ sat down beside him she noticed her slightly disturbed expression, which worried him.

“I…I have something to tell you…” Varcanna said, her voice shaking again. “Something I’ve been hiding for a long time and was too afraid to reveal for fear of rejection.” There was a long pause. “I don’t hate Asri, I was using the hate to disguise…disguise my…affection…for her.”

Eyes grew wide all around, but Trazu’s reaction was the worst. “You mean all this time you’ve been…been…desiring my female?” He said hotly, as he started to rise out of his seat. It was Asri that pulled him back down.

“Trazu that’s uncalled for.” She snapped at him. “This is exactly why Varcanna didn’t want to tell anyone because of outbursts like that. And I don’t appreciate being called ‘my female’. We are not married and you have no right to make such pronouncement.”

That forced Trazu to bite his lip and force himself to calm down. Rissonik and Naosha’s reactions were a lot calmer. “How long?” Naosha asked simply.

“I think it had been since I first saw her, but I confused my feelings with something else. It was after my brief relationship with Silliss that I realized what those feelings really were.”

“Brief?” Trazu echoed. “I thought you were still seeing him…”

“Uh…no…” Varcanna looked very guilty. “I broke up with him over something really stupid…and I hope to make amends with him for it.”

“This must have been very hard to get out.” Rissonik said, standing up and putting his hand on her shoulder. “But it’s out now so the healing can begin. We are an open family and an open Clan, so don’t fear being ostracized here.”

“But what about non-Clan members?”

“They will only know if they have a real need to know, which I predict not many will need to.”

Varcanna felt a lot of weight lifted off her shoulders and in relief she embraced her uncle. Naosha hugged her as well. Trazu, part not wanting to be crushed, part hesitation, finally hugged her as well. “I’m sorry for my outburst…” He said. “I have my own demons I need to chase out still….”

“I know brother, you…like Asri, have suffered more then any normal person should have.” Wtihout warning Varcanna picked him up off the ground in a big bear hug.

“Hey! Stop that!” Trazu protested. “No fair!”

Everyone got a good chuckle out of that, but it was short lived when Trazu suddenly got a look of seriousness on his face. “Lavality…did you sense that?” He asked her.