1. Sprinting across the desert, wielding a vorpal blade, cometh Kamon! And he gives a bloodthirsty bellow:
"I'm going to smack you so heinously, I will be high on life for years to come!"
2.Hark! Who is that, prowling over the steppes! It is Zerxes, hands clutching a burning branch! He howls thunderously:
"For the love of carnage and discord, I desecrate until Satan himself emerges from the pit to thank me!"
(That one fits pretty well)
3.Running out of the mini-mall parking lot, wielding a vorpal blade, cometh Radon! And he gives a gutteral howl:
"For the love of carnage and discord, no flesh shall be spared!!!"
4. Zang! Who is that, sprinting across the plains! It is Jerik, hands clutching a vorpal blade! He howls ominously:
"I'm going to bludgeon you until the Earth stands still, and grin like a @#%$ maniac!"
5.Sprinting over the icy wasteland, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a studded crowbar, cometh Dearic! And he gives a cruel bellow:
"Ares, God of War, be praised! I pilliage and burn like a klepto-pyro!"
6. Running amidst the freeway, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a mighty sword, cometh Valin! And he gives a bloodthirsty roar:
"You in some @#%$ now, muhfuh! I lay waste to the landscape with reckless abandon!!!"
7.Rampaging on the steppes, carrying a vorpal blade, cometh Gorak! And he gives a bloodthirsty roar:
"I'm seriously going to bruise you beyond the end of time!"
8. Striding across the fields, swinging a mighty sword, cometh Solien! And he gives an ominous cry:
"I'm going to @#%$ you all the way to Chung-Chong-Buk-Do, and launch you into deep space!"
9. (Finally my real name. First this time.)
Running across the steppes, clutching a sharpened screwdriver, cometh Brad! And he gives a bloodthirsty grunt:
"I'm going to beat the flaming @#%$ out of you!"
10. (middle name now)
Who is that, prowling along the icy wasteland! It is Ryan, hands clutching a reflective halberd! He cries gutterally:
"I'm seriously going to @#%$ you until you deflate!"