Somewhere on the Outer Rim
‘NO!’
Natalya felt an overwhelming urge to shout aloud at the top of her voice, to scream with every ounce of energy she could muster, as if to defy the harsh reality that had suddenly been unwittingly thrust upon her…
…but all she could do was gasp…
…Andersan ….
….dead!?…. Natalya found the thought could barely register in her mind…
The blind woman’s words had cut her deeply, so deeply it was as if she had carved them into her using a razor…
I don’t believe it!…I …. I can’t believe it…
Natalya wanted to tell Gaia that she was wrong, that she was mistaken, that maybe she was senile. …But all she could do was sit there, stunned into dumb silence…
After what seemed like an eternity Natalya spoke, only marginally aware that her voice had started to crack…
“…How?…” She asked numbly…
As Gaia carefully and tactfully explained to Natalya everything she knew, her words seemed to merge into a sound that Natalya barely heard as a deep numbness engulfed her …
It seemed to shut off all feeling.
Gaia stopped , and finished. She looked up in Natalya ‘s direction as if sensing the young woman’s sorrow , and for a moment her blank , expressionless eyes seemed to hold a look of pride . In this moment the old woman seemed to defy her frailness, as a strange kind of strength seemed to emanate from within her. Her voice was clear and certain.
“…he died doing something he believed in, he died trying to save others….”
(She paused)
“…And you…”
Those last words hit home, and Natalya could feel the knot within her stomach tighten, felt the lump in her throat grow, and her eyes beginning to well up…
She fought against it…
Murdered by Kalatan!…
Gaia’s words, flashed and circled within her head, like a caged animal circling its prison in a vein attempt to find release…
Anger flashed through her entire being, if Kalatan had not already been dead, she would have surely upped and left at that moment to kill him. It was no comfort to learn he had died either… a part of her cursed him for being able to escape her wrath…
Her eyes grew cold and the hatred burned as these thoughts crashed through her…
…consider yourself lucky Aramaya!…
All too quickly, a horrid realisation permeated her thoughts, and she suddenly felt sick to her stomach…
..I sent him to Bonadan!…asked him to go and warn everybody…he went because of me!…
The last thought she didn’t want to realize, but the speed of her logic racing through her head gained a momentum with which she had no control over, and it lead to the inevitable, but dreaded conclusion…
…I killed him...
“…He’s dead because of me, …” Natalya muttered aloud dumbly… “I killed him…”
The feeling enveloping her now, was of guilt, it gnawed at her , it ached, and it was a raw pain, which physically made her wince…
“…don’t be so silly!…” Gaia spoke in reply , plainly. The rather blunt reproach caused Natalya to look directly at her…it also seemed to have the unexpected side effect of halting her thoughts, abruptly.
Maybe it was being blind, or perhaps a lifetime’s wisdom and knowledge, or perhaps both, but whatever the cause, it ensured that although Gaia could not see Natalya’s sorrow or the guilt written across her face, she could sense it.
The elderly woman shuffled beside her, and took Natalya’s hand within hers, it felt warm , and tough, but it was reassuring…
As was her voice.
“…Don’t ever think that my dear…what Andersan did he did by his own choice, and even if he had the chance to start over, and choose again… what do you think he would do?…”
This quandary provided a brief moment of clarity within Natalya’s thoughts, for she knew in her heart the answer to that…and it eased the guilt a little…
Gaia seemed to sense this, and smiled wisely…
There was no need for it to be answered out aloud, for they both knew the answer anyway.
As Natalya looked down upon the woman now sitting beside her, she felt her defences fail…the loss was eating her up inside, welling up and bubbling , it needed to escape…
“…I came back for him …I…”She started to speak, but something in the back of her throat obstructed her voice, and she suddenly became aware of how dry her mouth had become…
As the tears started to stream down across her cheeks, Gaia reached over and held Natalya tightly to console her, and Natalya did the same…
It had been a long time since she had cried on anyone’s shoulder, she felt herself go, and wept bitterly…
“I know my dear…” Came the old woman’s soft reply…
* * *
“Here you go…” Gaia’s hands carefully and deftly placed a cup of warm Caff into Natalya’s waiting hands. Despite the dryness of her mouth, and her nose still blocked from all the crying , it tasted good. In fact, it was the best she’d ever tasted…
It was oddly soothing…and for a brief moment she lost herself in the caramel clouds that swirled within the cup as she stirred her spoon mixing the milk and the beverage together…
Something obvious, crossed her mind…
“..how did you find out?…who told you?…” Her voice was weak, and curious sounding…
Gaia took a sip from her mug, and smiled faintly, and she looked off into the distance away from Natalya’s direction, as if picturing the day she herself had found out…
“..It was a young woman, she came with some men, by the way they walked I’d say they were in the army, or something like that…she told them to wait outside…” A frown creased her forehead…
“…Skinny young thing she was…I knew she wasn’t you, Andersan had described you to me …” She smiled again as she spoke, and Natalya smiled back, more because of an instinctive reaction than anything else…
“…oh!..Curse my mind!…what was her name!…” The frown on the old woman’s face had deepened further…she was cross with herself now…
“…Lana?…
no…Tanya?…
oh! What was it!…”
“…Yana.” Natalya spoke firmly, but disconnected. She surprised herself with both the forwardness of her response, and because she had no idea why she knew that name…
“..Yes…yes that was it!, Yana!, yes, Yana Okani…do you know her?…”
Natalya shook her head absently in reply, slightly puzzled as to why she knew the name in the first place, forgetting in the process about Gaia’s affliction…
“..no, I er …no I don’t…” She followed up quickly as she realised her mistake…
The frown although receded somewhat, still wrinkled the old lady’s face as she continued…
“…oh…well.. Apparently she’s looking for her children…two of them…poor love, but she’d come all the way here to tell me what had happened to my Andersan, she said she was there…” Her voice trailed off slightly as she remembered what took place the day Yana Okani had come to her door.
“...I hope she finds them…” (She added )
Natalya nodded , and although she had been listening, she was still trying to remember how she knew that name…
…and after failing, she decided to burn it to memory once more; this ‘Yana’ was obviously someone she needed to talk with.
“...I have something for you..” Gaia spoke abruptly, as if just remembering something, and as her words sank in, Natalya looked up to see her already shuffling off to the corner of her living room where they had sat.
Natalya’s brow furrowed as she watched Gaia rifle through several boxes stacked up on each other, getting cross with herself once again. As she took a sip of the brown liquid , Natalya’s head still throbbed; she felt it was telling her it didn’t want any more information to process. It had , had enough.
As the young woman rubbed her temple , she did not notice Gaia standing next to her until a metallic rectangular box, roughly about a foot in length, was thrust into her sight…
She looked up towards the old woman questioningly, and Gaia once more seemed to sense this, and gestured with a subtle movement of her hand (and the box it was holding), in reply.
Still frowning, Natalya placed her mug of Caff down beside her on a small table and gingerly took the box with both hands…
She felt a sudden, indescribable pull, an instinctive draw, to the box, or more precisely whatever lay inside of it. She felt her whole body become fluid, as if sensing the pull. Something stirred in her, ebbed
through her. Suddenly her whole being seemed heightened, her senses, her touch, and her grief….
The metal was cold to the touch, but smooth, and as she opened it, her eyes settled upon a purple velveteen-esque interior, it was a case, and something else metallic glinted from in-between the velvet covering…slowly she pulled it away…
Her senses were alive, and her body was channelling a feeling which told her this was hers by birthright, a voice, no,
voices from nowhere seemed to flow through her , but they were all saying the same thing, in unison…
Carefully lifting the object to eye level she grasped its handle and felt its smooth surface…
Gaia spoke as she heard Natalya lift the object…
“..Andersan brought it here for safekeeping one day, just before he went to Bonadan, told me he had found it, while he was searching for you…he told me it was for you, and to give it to you if anything should happen to him, he said it was important…he told me to tell you…
… it belonged to your mother…”
Gaia’s words were a revelation to Natalya, but they also felt right, the same force drawing her to the object she held in her hands, told her these words were true…
Natalya didn’t know what to say, she had not known about this, and suddenly her brain hurt again, with yet another tirade of questions…
…my mothers!?….
Her fingers ran across its hilt and felt their way around its small , almost delicate-like controls, a single button…and although she didn’t really know how…
She activated it.
The crackle and buzz of its bright piercing violet beam , seemed to make the old woman jump, she obviously had no idea what it was..
Natalya moved it from side to side slowly, and watched hypnotized by its glow, its beauty, its elegance…
It hummed loudly in response.
….my mother had a lightsaber!?…
Natalya’s head raced with yet more questions that this thought awakened…
“..are you ok dear?…” Came Gaia’s eventual inquiry…
Natalya , deactivated it , and turned to face her, with a tear slowly making its way down across her face …
“…I’ll be fine…”
Taking sip from her mug Gaia smiled…
“…let me show you my Caffa bean plants!…”