The Rebel Faction

The three explorers still together dragged 'Wade' to an abandoned warehouse, where they tied him to a chair using conveniently handy ropes.

"All right, talk!" shouted Frelgrin, but the Furen just shook his head and kept his mouth clenched shut.

"It's pointless trying to get any information out of him." said Yiffin. "The Furen might be idiots, but they are clever idiots, they'll have conditioned him to resist any form of persuasion."

Shlump suddenly had an idea. After Frelgrin and Yiffin restrained him and the hammer he'd intended to use to beat a confession out of the prisoner, he had another, slightly better idea.

"I saw this in a movie once." said Shlump "Turn on that stereo, and put in this CD."

Bemused, Frelgrin did so, and the strains of 'Backstreet's Back' began to strain his ears. Embarrased, Shlump guestured to skip ahead a few tracks, and the song 'Stuck in the middle with you' began.

From his pocket, Shlump drew a wickedly sharp razor, and began dancing around Wade in the most mysterious manor. "So, are you going to tell us where you took our luggage carrier, or will we have to get violent?" The Furen firmly shook his head. "Well, all right then."

Shlump had at him with the razor in such a way that I cannot describe with the written word. Frelgrin and Yiffin stood by, aghast and horrified by the callousness of Shlump and the screams of Wade, mixed in with that infernal song, "Stuck in the middle with you."

Finally, Shlump backed off. "Now tell me where Freewater is, or I'll shave off the rest of your beard!"

Wade, who had until now sported a long and well-kept beard, was reduced to a quivering goatee. He moaned, and said. "We took him to the... to the... the food court." and with that, he broke down into tears.

Frelgrin, feeling guilt wrack his body, let Wade go, and turned to discuss this turn of events with his other two colleagues. Yiffin was giving Shlump a wide berth.

"Now what do we do?" said Shlump.

"...I'm guessing we go to the food court, Shlump." said Frelgrin. "Since that's, y'know, where they said Freewater is."

"Oh, ok. Where is that again."

"Where else?" said Frelgrin, and with that, he pointed to a recently-established franchise store - your friendly neighbourhood Warmart.

"So, what are we going to do about the Furen?" said Frelgrin, as the four of them sat once more back at the cafe patio.

"Well..." said Shlump "We could laugh at their petty pleas for mercy and expose them to the wrath of their fellows for our own amusment."

"Maybe..." said Yiffin. "Or we could claim we discovered them here, write a book about it, and become wealthy with the movie rights?"

"Or..." Said Freewater "We could... uh... hm..." And then Freewater very slowly fell over.

Frelgrin sighed. "This is why I never ask you guys for advice. Ok, this is what we're doing. When we meet with the Fwillsving High Council thing, we'll ask them to put some effort into masking the presence of the Furen here - give them cover stories or cosmetic surgery or something. Maybe deoderant, although that'll be more for the smell then to effectively hide them. The Furen Empire simply isn't bright enough or cunning enough to sniff out a few exiles hiding out on a planet far, far away. I sincerely doubt they'll be a problem."

Shlump snickered. "Remember when we were tasked to find a way to set back the Furen's plan for counter-invasions after the fall of Hurok? We just put cardboard cutouts of the Azguard army and stood them up on a distant moon. They're still in a drawn-out siege of the place, they haven't been able to figure out yet that no one's manning the guns."

"Oh, was that the week I was off sick?" said Yiffin. "I remember now, that's why we haven't heard so much from them these days."

"Yeah, that could be a reason we could say retroactively happened to justify a major plothole." said Frelgrin, pouring on the sarcasm.

"You didn't listen to us!" shouted the Furen's leader. "We don't want to join the Coalition, that'll put us in danger!"

Frelgrin, who had regained his strength, leapt up quite suddenly and spoke in a voice that drowned out the Furen "And you honestly think you're any better then the people you left behind? I am shocked and appalled by your behaviour! You're so self-centered that all you care about is your own survival and interests - you claim to be such a step up from the Furen Empire, and yet you fear to take the slightest risk in return for a greater good!

"Being part of the Coalition is hard work, and it's dangerous, and it's unrewarding, and it's even sort of lonely on a galactic scale, but if you're part of it then it means something. Something worth the risk. If you don't understand that, then maybe you would be better off back home."

There was a pause, and then finally the lead Furen said. "All right." He nodded, and quietly, they left."

"That was... easier, then I expected." said Shlump "Good work Frelgrin."

The four explorers did everything they could to prepare for the arrival of the Prime Minister. Frelgrin rolled out a red carpet, Shlump rented a speeder limo, Yiffin picked up their suits from a local dry cleaner, and Freewater made some macaroni art to show the High Lord of Azguard and Prime Minister of the New Galactic Coalition of Independant Planets. Some locals (at least, they were probably locals, it was hard to tell with the alien races of Fwillsving) had gathered curiously to watch, but Shlump set up some police tape to make it look more official.

Finally, Regrad's shuttle - a slightly more expensive one then the one they had taken - landed gently on starport's pad. The four Azguards scampered into formation (and scuffled as to who got to stand closest to the door), wearing their suits and whatever looked like a medal pinned to it. Freewater had panicked, and now proudly bore the ship's pine air freshener on his chest instead of his Medal of Bravery Under Fire.

The door opened, and Regrad stepped out.

He was not, by nature, a vain person, but to better serve his purpose on Fwillsving he had come in full wartime regalia - thick armour, tall helmet, plumes, the whole lot. Those nearby stood in awe as the twelve foot alien stepped forth, his hands resting lightly on a lengthly and fanciful sword-hilt. He was, in short, dressed to kill. (This bad pun procceeded to cause a psychic backlash that gave nearby force sensitives migraines).

"Ah... Frelgrin, is it?" said Regrad. The four explorers were busy being slack-jawed, so he was left to assume. "I have heard good things. Keep up the quality work then. All right, which way is this Council of Fwillsving?"

Frelgrin was no longer listening. Shlump was barely still breathing. Yiffin was trying to say something witty to impress the Prime Minister, but it came out as a gurgle. Freewater, once again, fell over very slowly.

Regrad sighed. At least his armour was having the desired effect.

Shortly thereafter, they awoke from the shock and drove Regrad to the Council of Fwillsving. As there was no guards, no security devices, and indeed no organization what soever, it was a simple matter for the group to walk right up to the meeting councilmen.

"Hey, we done already told youz that!" The yokel was cut off, as a sharp gasp was heard when Regrad strided into the room. Regrad managed to suppress a small grin, just as he'd imagined, the armour was having the desired effect.

"Ah, it's so good to see the most esteemed and honoured President of Fwillsving." said Regrad, who moved over to where Howard stood.

Howard looked suprised. "It... is?"

"Yes, it is! Come, surely we - as equals, in galactic affairs - can speak together about some important matters between our two great lands?"

Howard's chest seemed to swell with sudden pride and confidence. "Yeah... yeah, it is. Come, let's go to the adjourning room to discuss important business of state!"