The Rebel Faction

"-mit!" said Peterson as he sat up with the speed only given to those who are woken up from near death in these situations*.

With the eye that wasn't sore, Peterson glanced around the remains of the shuttle. The corpses of two of the passengers who had been travelling with them were still sitting in their seats. Or, at least, the shapes of the two passengers were sitting in their seats. Peterson glanced around the cabin until he found the groaning figure of Case.

"Come on, wake up," Peterson said.

"Am I dead?" Case managed between groans.

"No."

"Good, wake me up when I am then."

"Oh, well, alright then," said Peterson, and began to make his way in the general direction of the door.

"No, wait, I'm getting up, I'm getting up." Case stood there rubbing his shoulder for a few seconds before he asked, "Where's the third one?"

"The third one what?"

"The third guy. You know, the other person who was in the ship?"

"What, the robot?"

"No, that man."

"Oh, him," said Peterson. He ran over to the escape hatch, "He's in here. And," he trotted over to the cockpit, "He's also in here. With bits in between."

"Right, well, I'm out."

"I'm behind you."

On their way out, no one even bothered to check what the time was.

[size=1]*There had been a few attempts to harness this as an energy source on Barko, before the hyperdrive. It was all very complicated and finally was deemed a foolish and much too expensive endeavor. The fact that every test always ended up very messy only contributed a little to the decision to cut the project.[/size]

In stories, no one ever bothers with directions. They, the heroes, can somehow board a ship, miles long and yet still find their way without any trouble at all. And while there are a few incidents with trash compactors, this normally important factor seems to bother no one at all.

Perhaps, with the benefits of technology, finding your way around isn't so much a problem anymore.

Or, maybe, historians think it's boring to hear how the fearsome Sith Lord and Emperor had to spend several hours searching for the nearest lavatory.


"Where the hell are we?" Case grumbled and slumped to the ground.

"We could ask Halley..." ventured Peterson. For the past hour they had been trying to avoid that.

"Desperate times," muttered Linda and flicked on a nearby computer console.

"Hey, everybody!" said a thousand voices in perfect symphony, "I've been wondering where you were. I was pretty sure you were dead!"

"Obviously we aren't," replied Linda pleasantly. "Say, Halley, could you do us a little favour?"

"Sure, anything!"

"Where are we?"

"Just across from the computer core..."

"Thanks."

"... but you can't go in there."

Linda stared at, for lack of a better word, him. "Why can't we go in?"

"Because it's, uh, dangerous. Yes, very dangerous without the proper equipment."

"And where would we find proper equipment?"

"Oh, I can't give you that. You don't have security access."

"I'll let you know that I'm a Lie-" Peterson started but Linda interrupted him.

"We're going in there, Halley, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"But,,, if... oh, the others are going to kill me!" said Halley and the computer shut off.



A few moments - which had been spent trying to figure out which direction 'across' was - later, they found the computer room. Linda reached up to switch the door open, but Case stopped her.

"Wait, wait, what if it is dangerous?"

"It's not dangerous."

"Oh, and how do you know that?"

Linda sighed. "Because Halley was lying. There's something in here, and we're not supposed to see it."

Case let go of her arm. "Oh," he said and backed away, "er, go ahead and open the door then."

Linda flicked the switch and the door swooshed open. And everyone gasped.

The five and their Halley guide were all sitting in front of a makeshift campfire. All six of them were staring at the same thing.

The object in question just happened not to be a something, but a someone. The encounter still hung fresh in everyone's mind.

"It's rather nice of you to come with us," Peterson said.

"Your female makes a very good argument." Halley had replied.

This caused a level of confusion with Case because neither Linda or the droid had said anything about what had happened in the ni- computer room. But this was shoved to the back of his head in a long queue of confusion that was slowly waiting its turn to jump forward and hit his sanity with a mallet.

Case looked away from Halley and found him staring straight into the blue eyes of a madman.

"Ahhh!" Case screamed but was held in place by two worried and well-tended hands.

"The end is near! Beware!" the man screamed and promptly feignted.


After that mess, they'd made camp. While to some this would seem unnecessary. But in a large ship with little transportation, 'to the battlestations!' can suddenly turn into a two week venture.

"Who is he?" asked Linda.

"First Technician Arnold J. Riddle," said Halley, "I've heard of things like this. People see horrors on journeys that no man was meant to see. Sad, really."
"But he couldn't have been on this ship nearly long enough for him to go mad, let alone seeing any horrors," said Linda.

Case only stared at the still man. Now that he thought of it, this was the first time he had seen any sort of life on the ship. And he didn't look like a madman... madmen were supposed to be shaggy and wearing rags, not shaven, clean and absolutely spotless. Weren't they?

The thief glanced around and noticed, for the first time, the small piles of dust that littered the floor.

"Halley, what are these piles?" asked Case and, with scientific precision, he walked over to the nearest one and tasted it.

"That," replied Halley, "would be Communications Officer Ridley, GND, PhD*, Berkley."

Case stared down at the tip of his tongue guiltily and brushed as much of it off.


Which turned out to be a rather embarrassing position to be in when the wall next to you explodes.

[size=1]
*These of course don't mean the same as they do in certain other star systems. Here, on Barko, they mean a person can add two and two and works well when yelled at.[/size]

In spite of the Doctor's many ape-ish excuses, they managed to bring Case to his feet. When there was the choice between risking more injury and the death of you and everyone you know and care about, it helped put things in perspective. This didn't, of course, mean that Case wasn't going to complain about it. He was quite ready to complain the whole way if it wasn't for the fact that it seemed the cast in this horrible play called life had somewhat grown.

Either life was getting very exciting or this all was the product of some sick author.



"So who are you exactly?" It was a question mostly for Case's own sanity than answers. Putting a face to the name of the bulbous, ugly and oddly shaped droids wasn't too appealing.

"Swilliam Troy P-"

"So they named you after the owner? Great devotion to the company, sure, but not very creative."

"I am the owner," Swilliam said angrilly. "Swilliam Troy Pepsai."

"Wait... but you're.. you're a droid."

The blaster-toting droid who was becoming rather familiar to Case without actually becoming familiar at all mumbled something along the lines of "Stupid tree-climbing meatsack." Much to its annoyance, everyone but Linda failed to notice.

Swilliam - who Case mentally noted to call Swilly from then on for ease - sighed. "I'll have to explain things to you, then."

Case listened.


"So when you died, you had your mind... copied and your persona digitally placed into a droid. That wouldn't help you live forever, you know."

"Seems to have," Swilly attempted a shrug which didn't seem to work.

"That still doesn't explain who that is. You know, it looks awfully like those ugly mugs your company-"

Linda groaned.

"She is my wife," said Swilliam in the tone of one is very close to losing his patience*.

"Oh do be quiet Troy. I think they are all very nice."

"If you say so, Trisha," Swilliam mumbled. If his metallic face would allow it, he would be glaring.

"And God is so very charming." Case, who had his mouth opening to say something suddenly found this train of thought viciously derailed.

"Wha..? You think God is charming?" Most people after meeting God told them to have it put down because it was a danger to society.

"Oh yes. He has this roguish air about him."

"Really," was all Case could manage. Peterson, seeing this as an opening, said, "Well, we'd best be going. Have to save the world and all."

"Wait!" Trisha called after them. "Oh, Troy, please do something. Their hearts are in the right place. And it'll be days if they keep going that way."

"Fine," Swilliam said in the voice of someone who has seen how the row would turn out. "There's a faster way there."

"But," Halley said, "are you sure?"

"Yes," said Swilliam. "There's no other way around it."


[size=1]*The sort of patience that people remark on how big it must be. For some reason, these are always the first ones to go.[/size]

Every beginning has an end and this is the end of the beginning. This is the beginning of the end which is also a beginning which will end with the beginning of the end of beginning to end of beginning ending beginning.

And so on, until you grow a certain attraction to marmalade on fish and spend the rest of your days in a pink bath robe wondering where all the rabbits went.

Linda, Case, Peterson, God and the mysterious but trigger-happy Robot found that - after the flying-droid stunt - making it to the bridge of the ship was actually quite easy. Sadly, due to the laws of dramatics when concerning anything in space, Halley died in an emotional scene where he slipped off his flying droid and was left floating away in space. This always happens whenever the heroes of a story attempt something in space*.

The details of it all will be skipped over because, in fact, it was all terribly boring.

Thick steel doors hissed open, and Mort spun - or, rather, floated - around and was about to say something dramatic and evil when Linda swung a very heavy pipe and struck the hovering volleyball. They mercilessly pushed him out an airlock. It had been a very bad day.


Everyone relaxed. Peterson smiled happily, Case exhaled in relief. God was happy because maybe, just maybe, humanity would stop being such petty sinners all the time and actually show some respect. Just in case, he might have to throw some lightning bolts.

Linda, however, was busy staring outside the large transparent steel window and working at the controls.

Halley walked in. "Did you win?"

"Yes!" cried Peterson, happily.

"Oh, that's wonderful!"

"Wait," Case said, "how did you get here? I thought the rest of the Halleys were in the computer room..."

"Oh, I took the trolley."

"The... trolley."

"Yes. There's a system of trolleys that allow you to access every part of the ship. A very bright idea. It saves hours of walking!"

Peterson and Robot exchanged a glance, and burst out in laughter.

"There's a trolley! Hah!"

Case smiled, but his attention was on Linda. She was still pressing the controls, switching to the different camera views outside the ship. And on every display...

Case raced over. The rest ignored him.

"... might even get medals!"

"Oh, yes. They might even name a holiday after you."

"Thou mean... God-day?"

"Well, they might skip you, God. It's only fair. You have enough holidays already."

"Oh, damn..."

"Where is it," Case said. It wasn't a question.

"Where's what? Linda, Case, what are you doing? We should be celebrating! We just saved the..." Peterson's voice trailed off. He was looking outside the viewport. Then he raced over.

"Check the portside..."

"This is the portside camera."

"Then check aft."

They switched views again. "There's just... rocks."

The three looked out in silence.

"Halley..." Case began.

"Yes?"

"What is the current state of the planet Barko?"

"Planet... Barko?"

"Planet Barko as presented by Uncle Milly's Shack of Burgers," Case said. There was an edge to his voice.

"Destroyed."

Case collapsed into a nearby seat, not even noticing the spilling of ashes of some former crew member he was sitting on.

"No, no..." Peterson repeated. Linda's eyes were fixed on the viewport, silent.

"When," Case began, "did this happen?"

"Several hours ago." The matter-of-factness of Halley's voice felt like a knife.

"Did anyone make it?"

"Current human survivors: four."

Case looked at his companions. Linda, God, Peterson... and himself. Four.

"Anyone else?"

"No other known human survivors. I'm sorry. The human race is extinct."

Case covered his eyes. It was all like some sort of dream.

"No... no, this can't be happening."

"I'm sorry," said Halley, patting Case on the shoulder. "Extinction is always something that happens to another species. You never expect it to happen to your own."