Even Heroes Have The Right To Bleed (Closed) - The Battlegrounds - Forums (Page 2)

Kahn12

11 8:53pm 22/12/02

No better than when I first came here?

Kahn wasn't sure how to respond to the hateful words that were coming from Amalia; he had never known her to go this far before. His self-doubts were not being helped by hearing his own Master confirm his worst suspicions. Ever since Hanna's death, he had held himself secretly responsible for not being able to do anything, for not being able to sense that something would go wrong. Now was possibly the worst time Amalia could have chosen to use those words.

"So then, all the times you said how you were proud of me, how I had come so far since I first met you...those were all lies?"

In contrast to Amalia's voice, which was gaining volume each time she spoke, Kahn's tone was getting softer.

"I guess you never really saw anything in me, then. Did you just feel sorry for me? Is that the only reason that you taught me? Is that the only reason that you promoted me to Knight, and then to Master? Because all you saw was a child who was trying to play at being Jedi?"

The pain and hurt was evident in Kahn's voice as his clear blue eyes locked gazes with hers. He knew that what she was saying was probably not true, was probably a result of the Dark Side influencing her, but recent events were clouding his own judgement as well.

"I do know one thing, Master. You were a true Jedi, the best I ever knew. And I can't believe that your destiny lies in what you've spent your life fighting against."

Amalia Azalin

12 4:14am 27/12/02

All Amalia could do was laugh softly at his words.

"Lies? No, they were truths. Half truths that covered up the complete truth..."

She smirked wickedly at the Jedi.

"....I am bound to make a mistake or two you know..."

The smirk upon her face quickly went away and her face seemed to soften for just a moment.

"....Only you know the truth. I have always given you the truth, and you know what truly is and what is not...."

Perhaps for just a moment did Kahn get to see the real Amalia then for one last time.

"...Your soul knows it...."

She shrugged, her face becoming impassive.

"Believing will not get you far, Jedi..."

Believing is what had got her this far and what would take her even further into the depths of the darkside.

"....You can answer your own question."

The fallen Jedi, whether Kahn had noticed it or not, had answered his question, though clouded by the darkside.

He knew the truth, and no one could ever take that away from him, not even words that came from the dark.

"A true Jedi??? Then why is it you fear me?? I know where my flaw comes from. I am correcting it. I will not make the same mistake twice. Tomorrow brings change..."

"...It is now that you and I must say goodbye..."

Kahn12

13 10:47pm 27/12/02

"No!"

The strength and volume of Kahn's tone made him pause. He hadn't really thought to say such a simple word, but it was instinctive when Amalia spoke of leaving. Kahn may have been a Jedi Master, he may have been considered a hero; but there's always someone behind that hero; always someone who made them into what they are, and who guides them through rough times.

For Kahn, Amalia was that guide, that friend. She had always been that glimmer of light for him to hold on to, even when he thought the Dark Side would consume him. And now, he couldn't bear to think about what he would do if she left, if she became one whom he would have to fight against.

Taking a few moments to organize his thoughts, Kahn realized that he was breathing hard, his adrenaline was pumping. His mind's stress and fear was causing his body to react. The Jedi Master's next words were in quieter tones.

"It's not you I fear, Master, because this isn't you. The Dark Side is influencing your actions, just as it once commanded mine."

Without thought, Kahn reached out and put a hand on Amalia's shoulder; it was a gentle grip, but firm. A grip of friendship.

"You can fight it, Amalia. I know you can. I am afraid because I don't want to lose you, not after I lost Hanna. I...I'm not sure if I can handle that. You were the only reason I stayed alive after she died, Master. I lived for you, and after time passes, maybe I'll be able to live for myself once more. You were my first real friend, the first person I could truly trust. I won't let you throw your life away into the Darkness."

Amalia Azalin

14 2:26am 28/12/02

Master???

Had she heard correctly, for a second she almost thought she had heard wrong.

How could he still have the spirit to call her Master??

Amalia's thoughts became misplaced as Kahn reached out to her, her eyes falling toward his outstreched arm.

"...who said I was throwing my life away?"

Her gaze broke away from his arm to land onto his face, her brown eyes connecting with his blue eyes.

"....Did you ever stop to think that life has already been taken from me? For months now I have lived without really living at all. I did for the good of others, putting everyone else's happiness before my own. My life as of late has been anything but content. I have been restless, lost, and alone. I have felt empty. I have searched for answers, only to come up empty handed."

She closed her eyes, feeling the wind blow softly across her face.

"I don't want to fight it," she said softly.

"I could fight it, but why? I've heard too many can and can nots, maybes, would and would nots. So many times I have done without because I've listened to such words, words that were, at one time, some of my own...."

She opened her eyes, her eyes still locked with his.

"....what you knew...is gone."

Kahn12

15 2:53am 28/12/02

"You're wrong."

The Jedi Master's voice was quiet, but firm. He wasn't willing to give up easily, not on Amalia. He hadn't been able to stop Hanna from dying, but maybe he could stop this. He had to try; if he didn't, he knew that he would never be able to live with himself.

"I won't believe that. I can't believe that."

Holding Amalia's gaze, Kahn's blue eyes pierced her own, as though looking beyond mere physical attributes.

"My best friend, my Master, and my savior is still inside you. She always will be. The Dark Side could not completely destroy her."

A pause, as Kahn contemplated his next words. Amalia had been rather depressed as of late; he had known that, at least before he withdrew for those last months. For a normal being, such a thing could be quite dangerous. For a Force-sensative person, it was disasterous. The Dark Side preyed on feelings like fear and anger, and could seem comforting and fullfilling when one first came in contact with it. Kahn knew that well enough. He also knew that it provided no way to cure that initial inner pain; it only made it grow, thereby strengthening the Dark Side itself.

"I'll help you fight it. You always give so much to others; let me do something for you. You're not alone, Master. Never alone, not while I still draw breath. I won't ever leave you entirely. I had to spend some time alone after Hanna died, but I would have come if I had thought that you might need me; if I had known that you felt this way."

The address of "Master" was one that came to Kahn's lips easily, even now. Amalia would always be his Master, no matter what happened. He refused to believe that Amalia could ever truly lose her kindness, her strength, and her compassion that made her who she was, and that defined his Master.

Amalia Azalin

16 3:31am 28/12/02

Amalia shook her head, a little dumbfounded by his words.

"Kind of ironic, isn't it? If you had only known, if you thought I would have needed you..."

Her face grew hard for a moment, she bit down on her lip, her words falling into silence for a few heart beats.

"....funny how that goes. Things never really get noticed until things get out of hand. Words no longer seem to have much of any type of real value, no greater impact until later on, when it doesn't really matter anymore."

Amalia smirked, she knew Kahn did not agree.

"...Though I suppose it matters to you, doesn't it? It no longer does to me. I felt as if it didn't matter, as if my own feelings didn't matter. I still do, but now, I just don't care. There is truth to your words, if nothing had changed, you never would have noticed and things would continue to be just as they were."

She narrowed her eyes, the anger resurfacing within her.

"....Something has changed, I have! You'd do well to take what you see for what it is and stop denying yourself the truth. This is not something that can be undone. The sooner you realize this, the easier it will be on you...."

Kahn12

17 3:52am 28/12/02

At those words, anger that had been building in Kahn, fueled by fear and pain from Hanna's death, caused the Jedi Master to lose his temper temporarily. This time it was he took the step forward, his eyes blazing. The anger wasn't the type of murderous rage that Sith had; nor was he enough of a fool to let the Dark Side feed on that anger. Jedi could feel anger and fear just like any other being; they simply did their best not to let those feelings latch inside of them.

"Easier on me? What could possibly be easy about it, Amalia? Do you have any idea how close I was to ending it all when I lost her? I had my saber at my neck, Master! One flick of my wrist, and I wouldn't have felt anything any more. I would have been able to join her again."

When he spoke of suicide, a rather strange tone was in Kahn's voice, as though he were thinking just what those words meant to him.

"But I didn't. I stopped, because of all that you had taught me. You're the reason I'm alive, the reason I'm a Jedi, the reason that I met Hanna. I owe my entire being and life to you. And you think it would be easy for me to accept that you've decided to let the Dark Side find a home in you? It can only cause more pain; if you aren't willing to fight it, it will grow stronger. Not one Dark Sider I have ever met was happy or content, Amalia. Not one. You think it would be easy for me to accept that you've chosen to live such a life? Think again."

Now the anger was dissipating, and Kahn's tone was more controlled.

"You have changed. But you still have a choice, and you will always have one, whether you realize it or not. I can't force you to do anything, and you know that. But I won't abaondon you. You will always be my Master, and my friend."

Amalia Azalin

18 8:42pm 28/12/02

Before the Jedi Master could even gather a moments notice of some time of reaction, his lightsaber was pulled from his belt.

It landed in Amalia's hands.

"Amazing what a little anger can do, huh?"

She grinned, twirling the weapon between her hands. Her eyes remained on the man that stood before her, the force guiding her movement as she twirled the weapon.

"I love distractions, don't you?"

Amalia knew Kahn like the back of her very hand, she had been waiting for the right moment. She'd been waiting to prove him wrong.

"Hmmm..."

She laughed, amused by his words.

"Why can I not let the Dark Side find a home in me, Kahn?....It seems to me that you have found a nice and cozy spot to let the Dark Side dwell within you."

She stopped twirling his lightsaber, her eyes void of emotion.

"...Your anger, how easily it flows from you now. Perhaps now you see why I have failed you, hmm?"

she swallowed hard, closing her eyes for just a split second, reopening them again within a moments blink of an eye.

"...Ah, but you are not the only one who I have failed. There is no longer anything that brings me comfort, failure is what I feel and know. I no longer want to feel that way again."

Amalia was already too far gone to know that the Dark Side would not bring her the comfort that she was seeking.

"...You see, it no longer matters now. The efforts I have made, they are all but washed away now, looked upon as failures. Things that I had once hoped to accomplish, to make better, to improve for the common good, have all become as I had not hoped for them to be."

She'd listened to his words, but she did not believe not a single word he said.

"...A Jedi? For years I have tried to rid you of the Dark Side, and look at how easily it flows from you now. You are no Jedi."

She could see the pain on his face, and it made her face soften a little.

"Deny my words if it suits you to do so, but just remember....Remember all those times you let the Dark Side slip into your soul. Remember all those times you let it find a home within you. Remember all that I did to try and rid you of it, and I lost."

Her gaze fell away from him, only to look past him, the weapon still gripped tightly within her two hands.

"....I thought of asking you to come with me, but I've changed my mind. I'll take your weapon with me instead, that way you have a reason to come looking for me again. You'll be wanting it back, I'm sure."

She did not have to look at him to see his face, she knew how much that so called tool meant to him. After all, she had crafted it with her own two hands. It was much a part of her as it was of him.

"Ah yes, I know, you care not to part with it. Not to worry, you will get it back another day. For now, you'll be without it..."

Slowly she moved the weapon to clip it onto her belt.

"...It does appear as if you are now somewhat empty handed. So I have something to offer you...I left all of my belongings, and that is where they shall all stay. My lightsabers, I want you to hold onto them for me, use them if you'd like."

One of her hands fell to where her lightsaber was supposed to be, and found that it was empty. Finding the empty space where he lightsaber was supposed to be made her think of her own Master for a moment.

"...I take it that you may be unaware of the activity that is occurring upon our planet?...No matter, I will fill you in, Naboo is being invaded, the Academy has been attacked, I'm sure that is not the only place where the Sith have left their mark."

A cool thin gaze swept across Amalia's face as she looked to Kahn.

"Prove me wrong, Kahn. Go to the academy, find my lightsabers and prove me wrong...."

As for Amalia, she had her own plans of returning to where she had come from.

Her lightsaber, she had forgot the weapon in the heat of battle against Malice, she would have to retrieve it.

"...Now about that goodbye..."

Kahn12

19 7:09pm 29/12/02

I can't get through to her....

The realization of that fact was one that really shook the Jedi Master emotionally. Through all the time that they had shared, the bond that had grown and strengthened between him, he had never thought that he would be unable to reach her. It made him wonder, if only for a moment, if she could be saved. Then his resolve was back in place. He would not lose another; he had vowed that silently after Hanna's death, and to that oath he would hold, until death itself stopped him.

But Kahn knew that he could not help Amalia now, not in this moment. Even Jedi need to know when to back off; when to retreat. There would be another day, another time, when he would fight to help his Master overcome the Darkness. But now was not that time.

He had not expected her to take his saber, and his first instinct had been to try and grab it back. But Amalia was far above him in skill, and the Dark Side did tend to fill its users with a sort of adrenaline when they first began to tap into its power. Besides, Kahn did not have the heart to try and battle his own Master; at least, not now. That saber had become a part of him; created by Amalia, then christened with his own blood from other battles. He had made changes to it recently, adding markings to remember Hanna and his unborn children. It had represented how far he had come since he was a boy lost in the Darkness. And now, it was no longer in his possession.

The Jedi Master did not fear for he weapon while Amalia had it; he doubted that she would try to destroy it or harm it. She had crafted it with her own hands, and it is difficult to destroy something that one has made.

No, it was the emotional impact of the action; it seemed to signify that Amalia was taking away what had made him a Jedi. Of course, Kahn knew that a Jedi's only true weapon is the Force, and that the saber was but a tool. However, Amalia's words, sharp and criticizing, had touched a place deep inside of him, where he had harbored doubt for a long time. Even though he knew it was the Dark Side speaking through her, Kahn couldn't help feeling the sting of her words, and his own shame.

But here was a chance for him to redeem himself; Kahn would have understood that even if Amalia had not laid it out so clearly for him. If he could show her that he was indeed a Jedi, perhaps it would help to bring her back to the Light. If it did not (though Kahn did not think this conciously) then it would at least do away with his own self-doubt.

"The Dark Side has no home in me, Master. I am allowed to feel angry, or frightened, just as any other being. I know how to control my emotions; a teacher that I had taught me well in those matters."

A pause, as a look of grim determination came into Kahn's features. It was the sort of resolve that had kept him alive even as a toddler in Jabba's palace, as a boy among Sith, and as a Jedi striving for the Light.

"I am a Jedi, and I will perform my duty. This is not good-bye, Master, because we will meet again. I mean to fight for you, if you won't do it yourself."

Another pause, and Kahn's voice was softer as his blue eyes looked into Amalia's for a fleeting moment.

"After all, that's what friends are for."

Amalia Azalin

20 8:10pm 29/12/02

"Yes, we will meet again. I've made that possible..."

A hand, a tired hand found its place to lightly grasp onto the handle of Kahn's saber, tapping the weapon once before the hand fell back to where it had been before.

Her eyes searched his slowly, she squinted, looking at his blue eyes with keen measurement.

"You're not willing to take it back yet, but soon you will be, and when you are ready, I'll be waiting," she said softly, a small gleam of excitement reaching her brown eyes.

As their eyes continued to search each other, Kahn found something unexpected. He found her, Amalia, his Master and his friend.

The eyes could never stand a chance at lying, never. There would always be a glimpse to be caught, a hidden secret to be found. That secret moment was said to never last too long, but it was always there, it just needed to be found.

"Until we meet again then..."

Somewhere deep within Amalia's soul, she was smiling, smiling for him and all that he meant to her, still did.

Slowly she turned away from him, her back was the last image he would see of her until they met again.

It would not be that image he would remember, instead it would be the image of her eyes that he would hold onto and remember.

"You almost reached me," she whispered softly into the wind....

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