holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flows down the path we
have chosen
you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you
awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin
they pick and they pull
trying to get their fingers in
well they've got to kill what we've found
well they've got to hate what they fear
well they've got to make it go away
well they've got to make it disappear
the farther I fall I'm beside you
as lost as I get I will find you
the deeper the wound I'm inside you
for ever and ever I'm a part of
you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you
all that we were is gone we have to hold on
when all our hope is gone we have to hold on
all that we were is gone but we can hold on
you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
even after everything
you're the queen and I'm the king
nothing else means anything
---
[/size]Blank, white; a void. That’s all I can see. A step forward, a stepping stone back for me. I don’t know where I walk towards, but I know every step I take will lead me away from all that remains of who I am. Time will pass and I suppose this facet, this ‘me’ will erode. At least, that’s what I tell myself… it’s somewhat more comforting than the thought of remaining caught in this soulless standstill for much longer. I don’t know. I want this to end. I want to draw blinds across the world and put all its citizens to sleep. I want to make them forget, every last one of them, so that by the time they’ve awoken from their slumber, eons later, they’ll see me in a wholly new way. And maybe if I’m lucky, just maybe, I’ll have forgotten what it was I kept running from, too. I want to reinvent this me, this thing I’ve grown to refer to as myself. I want to disappear, to become numb and immune to everything and everyone, until it’s all okay, until it’s safe for me to exist once more. Kind of like a light switch… on, off, on, off.
I can see buildings, towers, I’m so insignificant now… always. And so is everyone else, I suppose. I can’t turn back anymore. If I keep on going, just a few paces more, maybe I’ll be free at last. They won’t touch me, threaten me, anything. No more them – just you and me. I love you. That’s right. You’re the one who told me to get away from them, and I did, just as you asked. Now what ? No, you tell me I’m crazy to think I can succeed. But I will, just fucking watch me ! Shut up ! No ! I love you ! Who the fuck are you ? Get away from me !
On. Off. On. Off.
Please, don’t leave me.
Aretsuya scanned her eyes dully over the streets surrounding her, observing the countless business commuters, the hustle and bustle of the city with its infinite array of activities. So many wonders, so much to do. She didn’t notice, however, the lone pigeon scavenging in search of scraps, or the children who skipped and mimicked each other with giddy innocence. She was infatuated, but she could not remember with what, or whence she came here from… just that she couldn’t turn back, for fear of those who hurt her returning to claim what they’d accidentally lost. Those who gained pleasure in her violation. She couldn’t blame them, though; she survived solely through their abuse. They, who bought her life. Her food, her shelter, clothes. Everything. But she hated their mistreatment.
Then someone new came along. Told her she loved her. Oh, and what a fool she had been to believe her… still, she did what her lover instructed her to do: she ran away. “Aretsuya will be happy when she leaves behind her old self. She’ll be a new person, and together we’ll be untouchable. No one will ever hurt you again,” the voice cooed gently. And she obeyed.
Aretsuya leaned against a hard, brick wall, the grit scraping against the thin cloth which covered her frail and timid self. She could hear them talking to her, telling her to move before anyone recognized her for what she was. But she didn’t want to, not yet. The atmosphere was so pleasant, so… free. She wanted time to absorb it all, to make it last as long as possible before she was trapped again and thrown back forcefully into the throes of her old profession and all the pain it entailed. Because in the back of her mind, she knew her lover was wrong. She had too much and too little faith in Aretsuya.
She felt the early morning breeze brush softly against her face, offering her a brief respite and washing her with relief from the scalding heat. She withstood the urge to wipe the beads of sweat forming on her forehead, letting the perspiration cool against her skin instead. A moment passed... and then another…
No ! Move ! Or I’ll hurt you. I swear, I will hurt you. Don’t stop now, you have to move before they get you again !
She took a hesitant step forward, her blood-shod feet leading her towards a dismal and dilapidated building. She’d go there for shelter, until her love told her what to do next, all the while hoping that the stares of the swarms of people clothed in their various garments would disappear. They were too suffocating, too close together to even allow the air to circulate between their bodies. She knew they thought her to be corrupted. Unclean. Maybe somewhere else, they’d look at her differently. Maybe they would finally see her the way her lover did.
Where are you ?
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